Found my old poetry…Feel free to giggle and laugh at the “poetry” my “broken hearts” produced. While reading these I did remember how I meant each word and would marvel at how well they went on the page. Aw, I wish I could give my 20 year old self a hug…and tell her that it gets worse so suck it up!
Sometimes in the middle of the night you enter. You are only memories mixing in my head. Late night chemicals can’t remember that they’re dead. You are only nerve endings snapping across infinitesimal spaces in my brain.
When did I stop feeling, killing everything in me but the flat line prose. I nod and boast the new me taping a finger on my nose.
Stop breath, stop sight, stop tears.
Feel only laughter.
That’s what the crowd is after.
Bray at the jokes that life plays on the unsuspecting chortling crew,
The wheezing members of the ensemble,
Slapping their knees on a stage that is just a world.
A universe of jesters.
I can’t throw you away tossed like trash on Christmas day. Apart of me now you’re here to stay. A prisoner, no bail to pay.
#5…this is about self image not homosexuality lol
There’s blindness I don’t understand
In a world where every love is celebrated.
Always someone to take you by the hand
But not me the overrated.
Overrated, maybe not, maybe underrated.
Not rated at all. How close
To the truth that is.
If I look hard enough I find glimpses.
Celebrating beauty and pleasure
Broken and misused.
But not the unused.
That’s the ugly, too broken to different
From the norm of the populace. But why I don’t see it and I still have eyes to see. I can see beauty and I can see me. It’s different I know. But we are all Celebrating the differences aren’t we? Every sunset is beautiful and every one is different. So why Can’t this different one be beautiful.
Unmasking hearts of cold confusion
Destroying all the disillusion
Seeing what was real, true feelings
Behind the veil of sweeter dealings.
Was there need or eager yearning
Was there flame or passion burning
For our pain we had as crutches
Tender thoughts with tender touches.
Was my heart icy to the touch
Did you bother with it much
Did you think you’d win this game and leave me the loser plagued in shame
But what blame can I place on your head
For making live your heart then dead
I too that game to win endeavored
And then your heart from mine was severed
So long gone and far away
I wait and know I did not stay
I left and did not then look back
I left and did not leave one track
Now I gaze and watch and wonder
Do your thoughts on me now ponder
Is your heart in broken pieces
Does it show like ages creases
Are your thoughts on me ever
Do you think of me but never
are you on your grand old way
And have no conscience now to pay
I guess that I well never know
And my heart broken will not show
Through all the rest of life I’ll carry
Thoughts of you but never tarry.
Your words a cut too deep for pain.
Your love a wound that will not heal.
Too many times have I forgiven
Too many times have I been beaten down.
No longer will those words I utter and upon remembrance shudder.
Oh my soul stop trying to be comforted with in me. God does not appease. Fight towards a bank of green pasture cordoned off for club members only. Listen for quiet waters that He won’t lead you to. This ringing of the ears. This agony of soul. This bliss not yet encountered. All vessels are made by Him, given a voice, given a will, fists. Check the brand of your new vase, does it have His seal of approval? You get what you’re given, no backsies.